It’s funny how this blog has turned into a mix of music and mental health content. Mental health seems to be a common thread that bonds us artistic types. Most of my musician/artist/writer friends all have some form of mental health issues. It used to be something that I thought I was on my own with but the moment I started being transparent about my own issues, the more others seemed to come forward to share their experiences with me. There’s a comfort in not feeling alone and I don’t feel that way alone; I have also been told this by others.
Today was one of those days where I felt like I was literally living in my own head. I felt as if I wasn’t even on this plane. I felt as if I was in my own head today. It wasn’t a super scary place or anything but it was weird. It was grey and overcast. I was alone and it was as if I was wading, up to my neck, in a swamp of my own thoughts. I couldn’t really sort them out and I couldn’t really find any order to them but it was like and Edward Gorey painting. I felt like I was just a featureless figured wading in this swamp of letters and words. I knew they all meant something and somehow maybe they will even find their way out and manifest into something. Maybe a song? A poem? Hell, this blog post is a start.
This is one of the first times I have ever been able to vividly describe what being in this place visually looked and felt like without having a full on meltdown/panic attack. I didn’t need to take a Xanax or anything. I was just able to sit down for a second and I was totally able to focus and was able to completely see where I was at from the outside. It was such a surreal experience. I texted Bert about it and told him and we both kind of agreed what it’s like to feel the storm before the calm. Wow, that sounds like a song title to be honest. I was listening to my new Mother Love Bone box set and listening to some of Andrew Wood’s songs really gave me a glimpse inside his head and i started to realize that so many of us writers share these experiences. I’m also learning to not fear these moments to to find a way to face them, acknowledge them, and try to just make them into something the best that I can.