Being In My Own Head

It’s funny how this blog has turned into a mix of music and mental health content.  Mental health seems to be a common thread that bonds us artistic types.  Most of my musician/artist/writer friends all have some form of mental health issues.  It used to be something that I thought I was on my own with but the moment I started being transparent about my own issues, the more others seemed to come forward to share their experiences with me.  There’s a comfort in not feeling alone and I don’t feel that way alone; I have also been told this by others.

Today was one of those days where I felt like I was literally living in my own head.  I felt as if I wasn’t even on this plane.  I felt as if I was in my own head today.  It wasn’t a super scary place or anything but it was weird.  It was grey and overcast.  I was alone and it was as if I was wading, up to my neck, in a swamp of my own thoughts.  I couldn’t really sort them out and I couldn’t really find any order to them but it was like and  Edward Gorey painting.  I felt like I was just a featureless figured wading in this swamp of letters and words.  I knew they all meant something and somehow maybe they will even find their way out and manifest into something.  Maybe a song?  A poem?  Hell, this blog post is a start.

This is one of the first times I have ever been able to vividly describe what being in this place visually looked and felt like without having a full on meltdown/panic attack.  I didn’t need to take a Xanax or anything.  I was just able to sit down for a second and I was totally able to focus and was able to completely see where I was at from the outside.  It was such a surreal experience.  I texted Bert about it and told him and we both kind of agreed what it’s like to feel the storm before the calm.  Wow, that sounds like a song title to be honest.  I was listening to my new Mother Love Bone box set and listening to some of Andrew Wood’s songs really gave me a glimpse inside his head and i started to realize that so many of us writers share these experiences.  I’m also learning to not fear these moments to to find a way to face them, acknowledge them, and try to just make them into something the best that I can.

 

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